Got that friend of a friend that you’ve hung out with a few times when you kick it with your mutual friend, but your friend’s friend gives you platitudes and empty gestures about hanging out just you two? EVEN when you tempt them with the sweet siren song of crispy chicken or endless sushi rolls? What about a coworker that seems really interesting, you have similar interests and you both agree that Becky from HR IS THE GOD DAMN WORSE, but never wants to go to lunch. Does it really eat away at you? You just can’t figure it out.
Why don’t they like you? Did you do something or say something wrong? Maybe, but probably not. Here is a piece of advice that is going to save you a lot of time and frustration.
Not everyone you meet is going to like you. Doesn’t matter what you do or say. That is okay. Unless you chew with your mouth open. As Shepard Book would say there is a special level of hell for you. On top of that if you SMACK your lips I hope you get run over by a dumpster fire leaking mysterious trash juice on you as you get pancaked, then a cockroach lays eggs in your ears.
In fact, it isn’t your business what people think of you. There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Raymond takes offense to some radio personality not liking him, so he confronts him. Pure Colombian cut narcissism. Everybody has varying experiences in life that make us unique. You know, unique like everybody else. You and other people are going to be on the opposite sides of things, not just ideology but perspectives and experiences. People are going to hate things you enjoy, and vice versa. That’s okay.
Don’t mistake not liking you for hating you. These are separate things. Look at this as a way to shrug off some sticky social film and embrace yourself and be the best version of you. Knowing that not everyone is going to like or appreciate you sets you up to just lean into being your best self. If you can
Being authentic and genuine around people will get your further in life than trying to make sure everyone likes you. It is better to be hated for being yourself than loved for someone you aren’t. Which I think is why so many celebrities have similar issues (armchair expertise over here), doing the entire pony show as someone they aren’t so they can get the next record deal or movie role. Ever notice how every producer/writer/director is the best they’ve worked with? That shit is annoying, but it’s the business I guess. Better to not say anything than say something rude or mean.
Now, just because people don’t like you ALSO doesn’t mean they don’t have a reason. You could just be an asshole. Here is an example, do you make jokes to purposefully make people uncomfortable? Do you decide if what you said is a joke or not based on how people react? Are you not really for anything, just anti things? You’re an asshole. Either way, whether someone just doesn’t like you, or you’re an asshole and don’t realize it. It’s worth doing some self reflection now and then and making that determination.
The people the closest to you, that you spend the most time around, they are probably worth caring what they think, and if you don’t care what they think…..then why are you around them? You want tread the middle here, going too far either direction smells of neurosis and narcissism.
You have to live with yourself the most, so you might as well love yourself. You should love the person you are and be free of artificial social restraints to cultivate what is in your heart of hearts. It just isn’t your business what others think of you, so embrace that freedom to do you, boo-boo. Self reflect from time to time to make sure you haven’t gone to far the other direction and end up being an insufferable ass clown.
Probably Bad Advice 